There’s a silent weight many children carry a heavy, invisible backpack filled with the unfulfilled dreams, societal expectations, and rigid "success maps" of their parents.
We all want the best for our kids. We want them to be secure, respected, and happy. But somewhere between the cradle and the college application, many parents forget a fundamental truth that your child is a different human being from you.
The Cost of a Borrowed Life
When a child is forced into a career or a lifestyle they didn't choose, the results are rarely "success" in the way we imagine. Instead, it often leads to:
- The "Hollow" Achievement: Reaching the top of a mountain they never wanted to climb, only to feel empty once they get there.
- Fractured Bonds: Relationships built on compliance rather than connection eventually crack under the pressure of resentment.
- Loss of Identity: If a child spends twenty years being who you want them to be, they may reach adulthood without ever knowing who they actually are.
Seeing Them as Humans, Not Projects
Children aren't clay to be molded; they are seeds to be watered. You don't tell a sunflower to be a rose because roses sell better at the market. You give the sunflower the best soil possible so it can grow tall and face the sun.
To truly love a child is to respect their agency. It means acknowledging that
- Their passion is their engine. Effort feels like a chore when it’s for someone else, it feels like a mission when it’s for yourself.
- Failure is their teacher. When we force them onto a "safe" path, we rob them of the resilience built by making their own mistakes.
- Their happiness isn't a reflection of your status. A child’s "prestigious" job title isn't a trophy for the parent to wear. Their genuine smile and peace of mind are the real rewards.
A Note to the Parents
It takes immense courage to step back. It is terrifying to watch your child choose a path that looks uncertain, "unconventional," or "risky." But remember, the doesn't need more miserable doctors or unhappy lawyers, it needs more people who are alive with purpose.
If your child wants to paint, let them study the colours. If they want to build, let them get their hands dirty. If they want to explore, give them the compass, not the destination.
"Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself... You may give them your love but not your thoughts, for they have their own thoughts." — Kahlil Gibran
The Goal is Connection, Not Control
At the end of your life, you won't care about your child’s LinkedIn profile. You’ll care about whether they want to come home for dinner. You’ll care about the sparkle in their eyes when they talk about their day.
Let them write their story with their own. Your job isn't to fulfill your dreams by forcing them.
it's to be a shield to protect them when they are in trouble, they can always come back to when they need a place to rest.
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