How to help yourself: Make the best of a bad day and do it all yourself.

 

How to help yourself: Make the best of a bad day and do it all yourself.

We live in an ultra-connected world,  but there are instances in our lives when it feels like we‘re completely alone. You have an incredibly aggravating day at the office,  learn some disappointing news, or just wake up with a dark emotional cloud hanging overhead-and when you glance around,  nobody‘s around to talk to. Your buddies are all occupied, your family is unreachable, and your cell phone is dead.

That is also the time that you can feel alone and overwhelmed. But knowing that there is nobody there to walk in and save the day has a unexpected secret power:  It‘s your chance to learn to do it yourself.

The best life skill you can develop is the ability to calm yourself,  sort through intense feelings, and reset in your mind without having to acquire external permission from anyone else. Here‘s a warmhearted,  functional road map on how to soothe and reset yourself when you have the misfortune to spend a lousy day solo.

1. Stop Resisting and Allow the Bad Day to Exist
The number one mistake most of us make when something doesn‘t go right is attempting to make ourselves feel better immediately. We tell ourselves to” pull ourselves together” or we become aggravated by our failure to feel good.

Fighting a bad day builds up emotional strain on top of your already stressful situation.

Identify the emotion you are experiencing:  Celebrate the feeling, do not hide it or be ashamed of it.  Even if that feeling is embarrassment, say to yourself “I am feeling totally overwhelmed right now and that is okay”.

5. Be kind to yourself: Model yourself as you would your best friend, if she came to you crying or under stress you wouldn‘t yell at a friend for feeling upset, so don‘t yell at yourself.

Allow yourself a break:  you are entitled to an unenergetic, unproductive day.  Diminish your expectations for the next couple of hours.

2. Shift Your Focus to Your Body First
When your head is pounding and you feel like wringing someone‘s neck because you‘re so sad or angry,  forcing yourself to “think” out of your mind and into your heart often just won‘t work. your body and mind are very connected,  and starting with a change of scenery is often the fastest way to change your mind.

Sensory reset:  take a shower (warm),  wash your face with cold water,  change into comfortable clothes,  or sit in a comfortable position.  This use of basic physical change calms your nervous system and indicates to it that there is no longer any threat and you are safe.

Disconnect from your headspaces: Go for a walk around the block and back, or go outside for 10 minutes,  exercise,  take a 10 deep breath and relax... Fresh air and a change of scene will help disrupt some of those anxious thought loops.

Remember:  Hydrate and nourish We often overlook how negatively low blood sugar and dehydration can affect us emotionally.  Have a comforting warm meal and drink a tall glass of water before making any major decision.

13. Practice Brain Dumping (Externalize and Free up the Noise)

A blank sheet of paper is your most trustworthy and uncritical audience when you have no one who will listen.

Write without editing: Open a journal or blank document on the computer and empty out all your thoughts,  complaints, and concerns onto the paper.  Don‘t worry about proper grammar,  how sloppy it looks, or even if it makes any sense.

Divide ‘fact and feeling’: Once you have written your notes, consider them.  Then ask yourself: ‘What is fact and what is fantasy? What is my brain just exaggerating because I am tired?’

Turn the page:  Put everything, you thoughts on paper,  now physically close the notebook.  There. Now the weight is off of your head and on to the page.

4. Do One Small Thing Within Your Control
A rainy day seems to make us feel powerless;  as if we are lost in a big world. To get your confidence back you have to show your brain that you are still in charge of your local environment.

Choose one small, low-effort action you can finish in under five minutes:
Appearance, at all costs.

Clean the kitchen work surface.

Provide water to a houseplant.

Create / organize a single desk drawer.

A minute achievement will cause a drop of dopamine and will make everything right once more: you are simply calming yourself down with the less think about. You are telling yourself that you cannot control the world but you can simply control the nearer surroundings.

5.  Develop a “Hanabi-No Psych-Up” System

Had enough of this? When your mind is tired, choosing how to relax just adds one more thing to think about.  Develop a mild relaxation routine that you can perform without having to think about it.

Create a comfort list:  Maintain a list on your phone of low-energy things that make you feel truly relaxed: for example, playing a certain relaxing playlist,  re-watching a favorite comfort film, reading a particular type of book,  brewing a mug of herbal tea.

Elude digital trap: When lonely or sad,  do not use doomscroll social networks.  Drinking your rough day can only enhance perception of being alienated.

Stop the pressure:  make up your mind that you will not exert any more effort for the-rest- of- the-evening. Tomorrow is a new day.

Final Thoughts: Becoming Your Own Safe Harbor
Relying on others to hold you is great and healthy, but learning to sit with yourself in the dark is radical it creates a quiet,  steady self-trust.

The next time you are having a day where everything seems to be going wrong and there is no one to talk to,  know this: you are not helpless. You have the knowledge, the power and the ability to help yourself and be your own safe refuge in the middle of any storm.

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