Distance may physically separate two individuals, but it need not create an emotional gap. Although a long-distance relationship (LDR) can be over several states or even continents the essential framework is the same; you and your partner have to be willing to invest time and honest efforts to make the relationship work.
The positive side? Hundreds of thousands of couples make long distance relationships work on a daily basis and many come out the other end much more solid than ever before. This is a down-to-earth, step-by-step handbook with tried-and-tested advice to keep you close, build up trust and maintain the passion, no matter where in the world you are.
1. Focus on Communication Depth, Not Just Frequency
When you‘re apart, sometimes you just think you always have to text the other person, but bombarding each other all day with trivial updates can just become an irritating chore.
Quality conversations over IM: one 20-minute fully monitored video chat in which you speak your mind and your heart for 20 minutes is worth more than a hundred frantic, scatterbrained IMing sessions.
Diversify your ways of communicating: mix regular texting with sneaky voicemails, share random photos of your breakfast coffee, send them an amusing video clip that reminded you of them.
Share the minor details just like you would with a friend: Mention that goofy conversation you had with your coworker, a new restaurant you sampled, or the odd dream you had last night. Throwing out these small details of everyday life allows your spouse to be a part of your daily routine.
2. Set Clear Ground Rules and Expectations
Uncertainty and having mismatched expectations are arguably the two greatest causes of worry in any relationship, especially across a distance. Clearly establishing what both partners want at an early stage is very important to avoid confusion and pitfalls later on.
Strengthen your commitment: Make sure you both believe in a zero-exclusive situation, emotionally and in the longer term.
Establish realistic routines: Talk about how many times a day or week you can realistically ring. If one of you works late, does the shopping and housework or goes on an evening class, having realistic parameters means the other doesn‘t feel you are neglecting them.
Discuss emotional safety: share with each other what you both need in order to feel safe, whether this is to validate one another for checking in before going to sleep, agreeing to set boundaries on social media, or being honest with each other about plans that will affect the other.
3. Create Fun Shared Experiences from Afar
The hardest part about being so far away has been not being able to do the little day-to-day things together. Luckily technology makes it possible to do so.
Activity Ideas how to Make It Happen
Virtual Movie Nights conference calling or a watch-party plugin for your browser to enjoy watching a film or TV show at the same time.
Simultaneous Dinner Dates wherever you are in the world, follow the same recipe, cook it yourself in your own kitchen, and eat dinner together in front of your computer.
Shared Book or Podcast Club choose a book or weekly podcast series, then dedicate time each weekend to talk about your opinions.
Play Online Casual Games Play fun and engaging games on the phone, together with the word games or online games in teams to promote teamwork and casual competition.
4. Master the Art of Conflict Resolution
It is normal for couples to have disagreements, but when you‘re trying to solve an argument long-distance, it‘s even more important to really pay attention, because without the benefit of facial cues, physical gestures, or physical comfort, even the smallest disagreements have the potential to blow out of proportion.
Avoid text “battles”: Don‘t try to work out tough issues or sensitive subjects in a text message. It doesn‘t have the context you need and can be easily misinterpreted. Make arrangements for a phone call or video chat.
Address the “I” statement: Speak from your point of view other than placing blame. For example, rather than stating, “You are never available when I want to talk”, try, “I feel disconnected when our scheduled call time is missed”.
Offer grace: Long distance naturally encourages more conflicts things build up more and tend to erupt at inappropriate moments. Be able to give your partner grace and patience she needs when you need it the most.
5. Maintain an Element of Surprise (or unpredictability)
Spontaneity gets clogged when lunch dates and homecoming ballads are scheduled ahead of time to fit into everyone‘s calendar. Planning in “free” time can kill a relationship; keeping a little bit of serendipity alive will keep it thriving.
Send care packages: Drop a package of a box of snacks they love, a handwritten letter, a hoodie that has your smell on it,
Sift through order surprises: Get their favorite meal, dessert or flowers delivered to their doorsteps after a tiring day.
Write to your partner. Reading a letter from your hand written words is more intimate than an email or text message. A physical object that your partner can hold onto provides a comfort piece when they are missing you.
6. Turn Distance into a Means for Development Having the support of the fellow distant one. This would help one to realize the importance of being away and help one cope with the distance in every possible way.
It’s tempting to only think about what long distance steals from us but with the right mindset, you can make it a hugely empowering personal principle.
Develop individual independence: invest your surplus personal hours into your own hobbies, your health, personal projects and local friendships. An educated individual leads to a healthy relationship.
Enhance emotional closeness: Close physical presence can be pleasant, but love involves a true shared life and emotional intimacy. By removing the everyday presence, the couple is challenged to be extraordinary listeners, talkers, and supporters through words.
7. Always Keep an End Goal in Sight
A long-distance relationship can become very draining when there is no set plan to close the distance. A long-distance relationship can stand the test of time if both people know that the separation is only temporary.
Plan early for the next visit: Never say goodbye without planning in advance the date of the next reunion. If you have a countdown calendar the hard times are way easier to bear.
Create shared goals for the future: Frequently discuss in an honest way the when and how of making the permanent transition. It helps each of you to know that both of you are doing everything in your power to unite your lives.
Final Thoughts
Living apart means going through the time zone, during which special effort, patience, effort to keep a relationship long distance applies. With time and effort, long Distance relationships can rely happily ever after, until coming. This time is short what is more important is that quality connection, dedicated trust, creative virtual date, and vision on future plans should be core.
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